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#4201 alef

alef
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Objavljeno: 18. julij 2022, 16:04

"Poznavanje" geografije...  k025.gif

 

https://www.facebook...582037475259079

 

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Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4202 alef

alef
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Objavljeno: 23. julij 2022, 08:24

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.’ The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

 As Mark Twain said: "Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often. And for the same reason.”


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4203 alef

alef
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Objavljeno: 28. julij 2022, 17:25

When God created Adam and Eve, He said to them:
“I have two gifts to give you—one is to pee standing up and...”
Adam, very anxious, interrupted him, screaming:
“ME..! ME..! I want it, please, Lord... please... please... please...!! This would make life a lot easier!”
Eve agreed and said those things didn’t matter to her.
So God gave Adam the gift.
Adam was amazed, screaming for joy, running through the Garden of Eden, peeing on every tree.
He ran along the beach, making drawings with his pee in the sand.
He lit a fire and played fireman.
God and Eve stared at the mad man with happiness until Eve asked God:
“…And... what is the other present?
And God answered:
“A brain, Eve. The brain is yours...”
 
wink.png biggrin.png
 

Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4204 alef

alef
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Objavljeno: 29. julij 2022, 06:39

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached
a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement
over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain
speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los
Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH, MY GOD!” Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought
me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”

 

crying.gif biggrin.png


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4205 alef

alef
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Objavljeno: 30. julij 2022, 08:36

Old lady posted an advertisement:

HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's). MUST NOT BEAT ME. MUST NOT RUN AROUND ME. AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, " you're not really asking me to consider you?... just look at you, you have no legs!" The old man smiled, " therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. " You don't have any hands either."

Again the old man smiled, " Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently, are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile, and said, " I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4206 alef

alef
  • Lunatik
  • Št. objav: 16 981

Objavljeno: 1. avgust 2022, 06:16

A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, “An enemy ship is approaching us!” The captain replies calmly, “Go get my red shirt.” The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, “Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?” The captain replies, “If I got injured, my blood shouldn’t be seen, as I didn’t want my men to lose hope.” Just then, another soldier runs up and says, “Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!” The captain calmly replies, “Go bring my yellow pants.”


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4207 alef

alef
  • Lunatik
  • Št. objav: 16 981

Objavljeno: 2. avgust 2022, 17:29

Two cowboys came upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.

“Look,” says the first one, “He’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”

Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon …”

“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color, what’s in the wagon — just amazing!”

The Indian looks up and says, “Ugh … not amazing … wagon ran … over me … 30 minutes ago!”


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4208 alef

alef
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Objavljeno: 5. avgust 2022, 08:34

Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.

When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.

A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

wink.png biggrin.png

 
 

 


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4209 alef

alef
  • Lunatik
  • Št. objav: 16 981

Objavljeno: 10. avgust 2022, 11:23

Three nuns were driving round Hampshire. The Mother Superior was at the wheel, crashed into a tree and all three died. They soon arrived at the Pearly Gates.

Waving at St Peter, they explained they were Brides of Christ and asked for prompt admission. “Not so fast, girls” declared the gatekeeper. “We’re choc-a-bloc with dead nuns at the moment. You first have to pass an Entrance Test. But don’t worry; it’s all graded depending on your rank in the Convent.

First up was nun Celia. “And what grade were you in the Convent?” he asked. “Just a novice, St Peter.” “Ah: it’s an easy question for you. When Adam first met Eve in the Garden of Eden what were they wearing?” “Fig Leaves, St. Peter” Celia answered.

St Peter smiled. “Welcome, Sister, to the Kingdom of Heaven”. Next up was Annunciata. “And what grade were you in the Convent, Sister?”

She explained she was a cook. St Peter said: “So it’s a medium question for you. When Adam first met Eve, what fruit did she give him?”. She knew the answer: “It was an apple, St Peter”. Easy-peasy. “Welcome, Sister, to the Kingdom of Heaven.” said the gatekeeper.

Third up was the Mother Superior. St. Peter explained: “With your seniority you get a really hard question. When Eve saw Adam running toward her in the Garden of Eden, what was the very first thing she said?”

The Mother Superior pondered, observing: “Wow, that really is a hard one, St Peter.” Yet to her great surprise he smiled and promptly replied: “Welcome, Sister, to the Kingdom of Heaven.”


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4210 alef

alef
  • Lunatik
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Objavljeno: 11. avgust 2022, 11:28

The last hotel

Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.

When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You’ve got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him, “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

“How did you sleep?” asked the manager.

“Never better.”

The manager was impressed

“No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the Marine.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained.

“I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and after that he sat up all night watching me…”


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4211 alef

alef
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Objavljeno: 11. avgust 2022, 11:33

• Officer: May I see your driver's license?

• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?

• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?

• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?

• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?

• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?

• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.

• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.

• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

 
 

 


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4212 alef

alef
  • Lunatik
  • Št. objav: 16 981

Objavljeno: 11. avgust 2022, 16:59

https://ibb.co/QvWGtFz


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses


#4213 alef

alef
  • Lunatik
  • Št. objav: 16 981

Objavljeno: Danes, 17:10

Paddy and Mick were having a few beers whilst watching the football at Micks house at full time Paddy gets up to go home but notices it is raining really heavily outside……. “Paddy stay here for tonight” says Mick “I’ll go and make up the spare bed for you”. When Mick comes back down stairs he sees Paddy standing there drenched to the bone…. “What the hell has happened to you?” Mick asks. “I went home to get my pyjamas” Paddy replied


Čeprav nam je veliko vzeto, veliko še ostaja. In čeprav nimamo več tiste moči ki je nekoč premikala nebo in zemljo, smo kakršni smo, istih junaških src od časa in usode oslabljenih,
vendar z neomajno voljo boriti se, iskati, najti in ne popustiti.


Lord Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses





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